Today I woke up and there were literally a bunch of Nazis in my country. Sometimes it can be hard to tell who -- if anyone -- is the 'bad guy' in a scenario; but I'd say we all understand, unequivocally, that Nazis are not fucking good. As a matter of fact, for quite some time it seemed that the one thing that we really could agree on was that Nazis are the fucking worst. Particularly on the internet, it became commonplace to overstate the awfulness of something by comparing it to Third Reich. We've often disagreed on where things ranked on a scale from 1 to Nazi, but as long as there have been Nazis, we've all been pretty sure that they really do represent the rock bottom for humanity.

So what do you when an alarmingly vast number of real live Nazis show up on your doorstep??? I've thought about it a lot today. I thought about going out and finding a Nazi and punching him. I thought about punching several Nazis at once. I thought about finding a neatly arranged circle of a whole bunch of Nazis and performing some sort of gravity-defying Kung Fu spin kick to each of their faces in rapid succession. I even went and dug out my grandfather's WWII bayonet and asked it a lot of challenging questions about life and morality. It was a really good listener, but as an inanimate shaft of steel, it wasn't really capable of offering any definitive advice.

Nazis aren't born, you have to choose to be a Nazi. And you have to choose to be a real stupid asshole to go around yelling at people about what a huge Nazi you are with a fucking flaming shitty basket on a stick in your hand. It might be possible to kill the Nazi part of a person without actually killing the person themselves, but having (thankfully) had very little experience with Nazis in the past, I'm left to wildly hypothesize that the best way to do that is to punch them as hard as you possibly can in the face, and repeat as needed.

For now, instead of punching a bunch of people in the face we have re-appropriated a design promoting the purchase of stamps and war bonds from the last time the US was actually fighting fucking Nazis; which also expresses our unrequited blood-lust over the craziest thing we've ever seen in our lives. You may find this design somewhat inflammatory. Frankly, we don't think it goes far enough. Wear this anti-fascist emblem boldly, because apparently you're going to need it, and you can be proud to know that the profits from the sales of this tee will all go to the Southern Poverty Law Center. Or, if it's not your style, please consider making a private donation to the SPLC to further the efforts to fight bigotry and hatred in the great US of A.

All profits go to Southern Poverty Law Center.
Printed on Bella and Canvas 3001 Unisex Short Sleeve Jersey T-Shirt with Tear Away Label

And if you're a Nazi, please go to hell. Or come to my house and I promise I will work tirelessly to try beat this fucking stupid idea out of you.